Ten years ago, I was a Seattle-based journalist reporting on Amanda Knox’s homecoming for Reuters among a bewildering throng of screaming Italian and British paparazzi. Covering her story, and as a Third Culture Kid with family and friends on both sides of the pond, was the first time it truly hit home for me that people can see exactly the same thing and come to wildly different conclusions. Even more so when our interpretations are steeped in implicit biases, based on personal experiences and cultural norms.
I felt a strong sense of déjà vu this past week, as Meghan Markle’s mere presence at the funeral events for Queen Elizabeth II filled up my Twitter feed with a frenzied dichotomy of veneration and vitriol.
Even more so when I attended a social event for expats in Delhi yesterday, and found myself putting down my watermelon juice to engage in an unexpectedly heated debate with a British woman about whether the Duchess of Sussex is a tacky grifter who has broken up a happy family (her words) or a woman, wife, mother and public figure — long before her marriage! — who is somehow damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t (um, mine).
What. Is. Happening. Here?
Certainly, my experience as a trailing spouse factors into my empathy for the Duchess. I do have a small sense of what it feels like to move to another country and experience daily anxiety about what I should be saying and wearing. (Even in my native land of the United States, especially beyond my no-holds-barred hometown of NYC, I seem to suffer from chronic foot-in-mouth disease and culture shock.)
I’m constantly beating myself up for not overcoming the learning curves faster. Why don’t I have the energy for the late-night dining and socializing required of our pre- and post-pandemic India lifestyle? Why must my middle-aged brain persist in being “hard like rock” rather than “young and spongy” (maybe “Jeopardy!” also broke it?) just when I need to be remembering names and picking up new languages?
In my defense, Duolingo’s Hindi app is not exactly teaching me the most useful phrases…
But even before all that, my earlier work in NGOs, particularly related to human rights and menstrual health challenges, had made me a fan of pre-wedding Meghan Markle’s unapologetic activism. I even relate to her childhood stories of writing letters to companies with problematic advertising campaigns (remember me, ’90s-era Mattel and Play-Doh execs?) and fighting sexism (remember me, Jubilee Activity Holidays counselors who tried to make the mountain campout boys-only?).
Archetypes: The Trailing Spouse?
And, while I rarely have the attention span and chunks of quiet time for enjoying podcasts, the first few episodes of Archetypes — listened to while flying between Delhi and Bangalore recently for one of my own “Meghan Markle” appearances occasionally required for my husband’s work — struck me as both entertaining and informative.
Now that she’s talked to Serena Williams, Mariah Carey, and Mindy Kaling (about ambitious women, divas, and singletons, respectively), may I suggest a conversation between Meghan, Duchess of Sussex and fellow podcaster Amanda Knox, my previous Rorschach test for American vs. British perspectives? I’d definitely make the time to stream that one.
Perhaps the Duchess should also consider a chat with someone else who knows a thing or two about misogyny, racism, xenophobia, and generally being demonized for breaking up a celebrated British family: Yoko Ono.
But above all, I’d love to hear her take on the “trailing spouse.” She could even interview her own husband, comparing their experiences; Prince Harry’s visible role as a supportive husband and hands-on father, nevermind as a member of the British royal family, already upends this archetype.
Who knows, a conversation like this could help soften a few hearts and minds among the British diaspora, and I’ll get to enjoy my refreshing beverage at the next Delhi expats event…
Got a relocation story of your own to share? Contact us at hello@trailing-spouse.com.
