Florence Reisch is a certified coach and author of “Expat Wife, Happy Life!” This is part one of her story.
I was a young Swiss woman, living a beautiful love story with my boyfriend Alex. One evening, about a year and a half into our relationship, he took me out to dinner and told me he’d been offered a job in West Africa.
Alex came from a family of Austrian diplomats, and had spent several years in Kenya as a child. He had always dreamed of continuing to live an expatriate life as an adult, too, a dream that he had shared with me ever since we had first met in London in January 1996. (I was working as a PR in a communications agency in Geneva at the time, and he was already working in Lausanne for the same large multinational that took us around the world.)
A few months passed between our first meeting and the start of our relationship. We met again the following summer at a lakeside party in Geneva before he left on vacation. Although he had promised to call me when he got back at the end of August, I didn’t hear from him until the end of October, all because of a mix-up with another Florence in his address book! But fate had decided to reunite us no matter what!
When we finally met for dinner, it was love at first sight, and we’ve been sharing our life experiences ever since.
As I was mentioning before, Alex had told me that he wanted to travel the world, so it wasn’t a complete shock when he showed up to our dinner date with a ream of paper to show me all the research he had done in the last few hours on all the things to do in Cotonou, Benin. (In hindsight, I have no idea if any of the other pages had anything printed on them!) He didn’t know how I would react, but I didn’t hesitate for a second; I knew he was the man I loved, the man I wanted to support in his career and accompany around the world.
That was 25 years ago.
Managing expectations
At the time I don’t think I had any real expectations. I was moving with my boyfriend, whom I trusted. Thanks to him and his employer, I felt confident that we were embarking on a unique experience in safe and structured conditions. The worst that could happen was that I’d go home to Switzerland and find my old life again; my own employer even assured me that I would get my job back as a PR if the experience turned out to be a failure.
Those who lived in Cotonou in the 2000s will agree that activities there were clearly limited! I realized that I was going to have to be open-minded and have a sense of adaptability. I was going to have to take an interest in the opportunities available locally and, above all, not try to compare my current life with my life back home.
I quickly joined an oil painting and porcelain painting course, something I never would have taken up back in Switzerland. Ever since, I’ve loved painting and it’s even become a form of therapy during the often emotionally difficult transitions that expatriation brings.
I also needed something to occupy my long evenings alone when my boyfriend was traveling. That’s how I discovered online studies in 2000, despite the slowness of the internet. Since then, I’ve been an eternal student and I’ve accumulated credentials in different fields, including a diploma in interior design and a certificate from a life coaching program.
Overall, I loved my life in Africa. I met some wonderful people, I was blossoming day by day, I was beginning my transformation like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. We got engaged in March 1999 and married in November 2000 on Bom Bom Island off the coast of Gabon with 40 families and friends from all over the world.
We left Benin in 2003, and since then my husband’s career has also taken our family to Indonesia, Brazil, Mexico, the Philippines, and Dubai.
Ranking the relocations
Using the Gupte Scale, I would rate my overall journey as a 12.5 out of 15.
| Destination | Ressources | Timing | Total | |
| Cotonou (Benin) | 3 | 2 | 5 | 10/15 |
| Jakarta (Indonesia) | 4 | 4 | 5 | 13/15 |
| Curitiba (Bresil) | 3 | 4 | 4 | 11/15 |
| Los Encinos (Mexico City) | 5 | 5 | 5 | 15/15 |
| Manila (Philippines) | 3 | 4 | 4 | 11/15 |
| Dubai | 5 | 5 | 5 | 15/15 |
| Overall Average: | 3.3 | 4 | 4.7 | 12.5/15 |
Destinations: 3.8/5
Obviously there are destinations that I preferred to others but I think I did the best I could in each city and they all offered me something exceptional. Personally, I feel that when the country is ‘complicated’, expats need each other more and as a result find each other more easily. The bonds between expats are often very strong. Even though I’ve always tried to socialize with the locals, we have to be objective, there are countries where it’s easier to integrate into their circle than in others.
Resources: 4/5
My husband works for a major multi-national company that has all the resources and experience needed to ensure its employees and their families are extremely well treated. Emotionally, everyone experiences situations differently and adapts to their new life at different speeds. Expatriation has taught me to rely only on myself to find a balance in my life. Once I realized this, I always did everything I could to be happy and I never lacked for anything.
Timings: 4.5/5
Interrupting a rhythm of life that’s working is always sad, but realizing after a move that you’ve managed to fulfill the needs of every member of your family is a real satisfaction. With experience, you become more confident and it becomes a way of life.
Every trailing spouse’s motivation for moving is different… but what happens when relocation still involves a geographic separation from your partner?
Check back next month for second part of Florence’s trailing-spouse story, focused on the eight years she spent solo parenting in Dubai while her husband spent weekdays in South Asia.
