Before Becoming Goan: A Trailing-Spouse Story (Part 4)

Michelle spent 18 years as a trailing spouse in three countries before moving back to India — where her adjustment adventures have continued after all, as chronicled in her new book, “Becoming Goan: A Contemporary Coming Home Story,” one of our summer reading recommendations. This is Part 4 of her story.

After nearly two decades as an expat family in Dubai, Bangkok, and London, we focused on repatriating to India once construction on our house in Goa had been completed. Working towards this goal, my husband Bharat accepted a job in New Delhi at the end of May 2011, and we landed “back home” in India that summer.

Contrary to the expectations of the ease of returning to a home country, however, this was a difficult adjustment. On the Gupte Scale, it ranked a mere 6/15: 2 points for destination, 4 for resources, 2 for timing. 

We arrived with no place to live (staying in a temporary service apartment) and no school admission for Divya, who was entering her junior year of high school. We wanted her to attend the American Embassy School (AES) in New Delhi, but the school could only get back to us in August — just days before the term started — about whether a spot would be available. 

The perfect school

The AES admission policy was very clear: first preference to U.S. citizens, followed by all other nationalities, students who had studied their entire school lives in international schools and were at a critical time in their education. Divya was an Indian citizen, but met all the other criteria. 

Friends, family, acquaintances, and well-wishers all cautioned me and advised me to apply to the British School (which also offered the IB program) and other well-reputed Indian schools. I ignored all this good advice and thankfully my confidence (some may call it stupidity) was rewarded when Divya was admitted to AES in early August 2011. 

AES was the perfect place for Divya. I am always grateful that she graduated from such a warm and supportive school community. “Enter to learn, leave to serve” was more than its motto; she has lived this way every day of her life.

The school was a haven for her — and for us, in Delhi. We did not like the city, the aggression, the pollution, and the attitude towards women. Even though we were “back home,” Delhi felt like a foreign country, another expat location, compared to our comfort zones of Mumbai, Pune, and Goa. The place, people and culture were all daunting. We felt more comfortable among the international community around the school, effectively living as expats in Delhi. 

Professional and personal transitions

Once Divya had settled into school and we found a house nearby, I resumed my career in an education consultancy. After working in other countries for 18 years, I found my way to the British Council in India, which I am still affiliated with today. 

As in London, our dog Neo was a great source of comfort during this transition. He enjoyed walking with us in Nehru Park and our neighborhood parks every morning and evening. We were heartbroken when he died of tick fever in 2015.  

In 2013, our daughter Divya graduated from AES and went off to Pitzer College in the U.S., my husband quit his job and started his own marketing consultancy. Around that time, my in-laws back in Pune were often being hospitalized with falls and other age-related health issues, requiring Bharat to fly down to take care of them and ensure suitable caregiving. By the end of 2015, we decided to move to Mumbai, just under a three-hour drive from them. We spent many weekends with them until my father-in-law died in 2016 and my mother-in-law passed three years later.

When the pandemic struck, our family — me, my husband Bharat, our two adult children Kunal and Divya, and our three dogs Rusty, Roo and Haruki — relocated to Goa in June 2020.

Coming home

Kunal had no memories of living in India as a baby, but after graduating from college in 2012 in the U.S., he had decided to move to Mumbai to work in events in the music industry.

Divya did the same a few years later. After graduating from college, she worked in a charter school in New York for a year, then moved to work in a private international school in Mumbai. She ended up teaching there for three years because of the pandemic, including online from our home in Goa during remote learning periods. In the fall of 2021, she began teaching in an international school in south Goa, living on her own close to the school and cycling to work.

Maybe they also had a feeling of coming home after living as third culture kids their whole lives?

Continue to Part 5, the conclusion of Michelle’s story — for now!