Before Becoming Goan: A Trailing-Spouse Story (Part 3)

Michelle spent 18 years as a trailing spouse in three countries before moving back to India — where her adjustment adventures have continued after all, as chronicled in her new book, “Becoming Goan: A Contemporary Coming Home Story,” one of our summer reading recommendations. This is Part 3 of her story.

Once Kunal had graduated high school from the International School Bangkok (ISB) in early June 2008, we headed to London to spend the summer together as a family. In August, Bharat dropped Kunal off at USC (the University of Southern California) in Los Angeles; I stayed with Divya as she began eighth grade at the American School in London (ASL). 

We found a home in Swiss Cottage, just one tube stop away from ASL at St John’s Wood. I signed up for a “London in Literature” class through ASL’s parent outreach program and found a community of friends from around the world; I also joined a group of like-minded women who walked and chatted every morning through Primrose Hill and Regents Park.

Our golden retriever Neo loved these walks in the park, too — once he was able to join us in the United Kingdom. Unfortunately, due to the U.K.’s stringent quarantine laws for dogs moving from Thailand, he first had to spend six months in strict quarantine. The least traumatic option we could find was a farm in northwest France, in Dinard in Brittany, near the Port of Saint Malo. We visited him there over the summer, and he qualified for his European Union (E.U.) passport to cross the channel and join us in time for our first Christmas together as a family in London.

Feeling pressured

This move ranked the lowest of my expat relocation experiences: an 8 out of 15 on the Gupte Scale, including 4 points for Destination, 2 points for Resources, and 2 points for Timing. For months, I struggled with the cold, wet, gray London weather and missing both Kunal and Neo. 

As much as I hated the weather, however, I loved the culture. I went regularly to the theater, museums, art galleries and for historic, literary and country walks. It also helped that we were just one flight away from Kunal, and were able to make a few trips to visit him in L.A.

But the global economic crisis had hit London hard, and we felt the financial pressures of paying for Kunal’s U.S. college tuition and escalating costs of renovating my family’s ancestral house in Goa, India (including traveling back and forth to supervise the construction). 

I turned back to blogging — the process of recording my experiences helped me to deal with the stress of relocation. (I would later turn to blogging again in March 2020, when the COVID-19 pandemic hit, to record this difficult time in history and to process my emotions. These blogs were the basis for some of the chapters in my book.)

The kids and I spent Summer 2009 in Goa, unpacking the container we had shipped there from Bangkok the previous year. It was traumatic as the container had arrived, but the place was still a construction site.

Lifelong learning

That fall, I enrolled at London’s Institute of Education to earn my master’s degree in curriculum, pedagogy and assessment. It was really tough to work on a one-year intensive, rigorous program — a new way of learning and balance my home and assignments and all the culture and history in London. The strong community of women friends I had made also helped me through tough days; we are all still in regular touch.

If I think of the three hardest things I have done in my life but also probably the most rewarding, they will be getting my master’s degree, renovating my house in Goa, and writing my book. Two of the three were completed by Summer 2011, when Bharat accepted a job in New Delhi, bringing us “back home” to India — though not quite our real home, not yet.

Editor’s Note: Thirteen years after moving from London, Michelle is back this week for a “Meet the Author” event to discuss her book, Becoming Goan: A Contemporary Coming Home Story, one of our summer reading recommendations. Any readers who find themselves near The Nehru Center on May 30, stop by to say hello and learn more:

Continue to Part 4 of Michelle’s story.