When it comes to #TrailingSpouseGoals, RBG is our GOAT.
U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s death on Friday has renewed interest in her incredible life story: persevering through partner-prompted relocations, health crises, and decades of systemic discrimination, culminating in a triumphant third act as the towing spouse — with her husband Martin as her biggest champion.
When I first heard the term “trailing spouse,” I had just moved to the United States. Being labeled took me by surprise, and I couldn’t help but cringe.
This wasn’t my family’s first move prompted by my husband’s marketing career — we had previously relocated from India to Malaysia and Singapore — or a new sense of struggle. With every move, I grappled with loneliness and a feeling of being uprooted, while managing my family’s transition, my career ambitions and my own emotional needs.
But going from Asia to North America was a more challenging culture shock.
Continued from Trailing & Being Trailed: Round 2
After eight years of career slowdowns due to my trailing spouse circumstances, I was thrilled to accept a job as a Dow Jones corporate bonds reporter in 2006 — but it came with a heavy price. Given that my start date was in the middle of the school year and there was no guarantee this position would work out past the trial period, I decided it would make most sense for me to move to New Jersey alone, while my husband and our 7-year-old son stayed in Connecticut.
On weekday mornings, I would listen to my son practice piano over the phone; we talked again every evening about his school day and homework. For months, our precious weekends together focused on grocery shopping, cooking a week’s worth of meals, swimming lessons, and occasionally visiting a museum or watching a movie.
Trailing spouses are forced to encounter change more than the average human, often without much support. In my 26 years as a Navy wife, my family has experienced 10 house moves, including five different states and one overseas tour. Throughout this adventure, I’ve continued prioritizing my professional advancement as a creative marketing professional. In the past, pursuing your own career dreams hasn’t been expected of military wives — but times are changing and I hope sharing my story publicly for the first time inspires others to never give up on their dreams.
Continued from Part 1 of Erica’s story…
After juggling four eventful years as a trailing spouse, military wife, new mom and creative marketing professional in the emerging digital landscape, I was excited to see what life would bring next for my marriage, my career, my 4-year-old daughter and 6-month-old son. At the same time, however, I was also seeking more stability.
Continued from Trailing & Being Trailed: Round 1
Moving from New Delhi to New York for my husband’s career had rendered me unemployable overnight, due to my dependent spouse visa status and lack of a strong local network. Assessing my options, I went back to school for a second master’s degree; my mother generously flew in to help care for our baby son while I worked hard to resume my career as a journalist.
Graduating from Columbia University’s Graduate School of Journalism in 2002 was exciting, but there was a shadow over this milestone because unlike most of my energized classmates, I could not yet apply for an internship or job. Until my American work authorization came through, my immigration status still meant that an employer would have to be willing to take on the significant hassle and cost of sponsoring me.
Trailing spouses are forced to encounter change more than the average human, often without much support. In my 26 years as a Navy wife, my family has experienced 10 house moves, including five different states and one overseas tour. Throughout this adventure, I’ve continued prioritizing my professional advancement as a creative marketing professional. In the past, pursuing your own career dreams hasn’t been expected of military wives — but times are changing and I hope sharing my story publicly for the first time inspires others to never give up on their dreams.
I was a fiercely independent child. Never liked telling my parents what I planned to do next, or even goodnight. It wasn’t that I liked to keep people guessing, but I would do anything to avoid dependence or predictability. While some dreamed of a wedding and kids, my goals were simple: be self-sufficient and travel to beautiful places.
So, when I met my husband in college, a rebellious neighbor who wore a red bandana like Axl Rose yet planned to enlist in the U.S. Navy after graduation, how could I resist? Neither of us came from military families; his plan sounded like an incredible adventure. Looking back now, 26 years later, I clearly had no clue what I was getting myself into!
It’s one thing to leave family, friends, and employment opportunities behind to accompany our spouses when their careers require a relocation. But when the move also means giving up our favorite foods? Yikes.
“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”
Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own
As a tourist or business traveler, I’ve found myself saddened by two edible extremes: discovering amazing new foods that I won’t be able to find again back home vs. managing the absence of a dietary staple while on my journey.
Some people love to hear stories; others love to tell them. In search of new material, storytellers may place themselves into somewhat far-fetched and jarring adventures – hoping the stress, discomfort and inconvenience will yield and eventually fade to an intriguing tale, a rapt audience and a sense of satisfaction at having made it through.
Could that be why I agreed to move from western New York to eastern Connecticut two weeks after our wedding, one week after our honeymoon, a mere 14 months after Josh and I had gone on our first date?
As we kick off the Roaring Twenties, 21st century-style, it’s only fitting that our conversations and screens have been jammed with people’s filtered reflections on how they spent the 2010s. What did we do? What did we learn? How should we use these experiences to shape our course for the next decade?
Or, if you’re like me, you spent winter break racing around back “home” (Seattle, WA) to see friends and family, stock up on local groceries, and fill up on as much holiday cheer as possible before racing back “home” (Delhi, India) for the kids to start school again.
The holiday season can be stressful under even the best circumstances. If you’ve been managing a major move, navigating confusing new social situations, and figuring out local vs. long-distance gift-giving on top of all the usual hubbub? You definitely deserve to treat yourself, too.
Wouldn’t it feel decadent to curl up with a good book? Are you in the mood for something educational or escapist? Rational or romantic? Historical or how-to? How about all of the above, while also celebrating trailing spouse life? Here are my top five book recommendations so far, with summaries and image links via GoodReads.