Trailing Kids

Michelle spent 18 years as a trailing spouse in three countries before moving back to India — where her adjustment adventures have continued after all, as chronicled in her new book, “Becoming Goan: A Contemporary Coming Home Story,” one of our summer reading recommendations. This is Part 2 of her story.

After a decade of expat life in Dubai, my husband Bharat was transferred to Thailand. We welcomed the opportunity to move to Bangkok to learn about a new culture — both modern and with a long, rich history. 

We had done our research for this big move; all four of us went on a reconnaissance trip during spring break to look at possible schools and housing options. By the time we arrived in July 2003, our kids knew they would be attending the International School Bangkok (ISB); our daughter Divya would enter third grade and our son Kunal the eighth grade. We chose to live in Nichada Thani, an expat community built around ISB so that they could walk and ride their bikes to school. This meant my husband had a long commute to work downtown, but his regional role kept him traveling about 20 days a month anyway.

Dog days

To help our kids with the transition to Thailand, we got our first family dog, a golden retriever named Neo who gave us unconditional love while teaching our children responsibility.

Professional development

In January 2004, I joined ISB as a consultant, supporting teachers to upload the school’s curriculum to a curriculum management system. I learned a lot about education through this rewarding experience of becoming part of the school’s faculty/staff community in addition to its parent community.  To earn more qualifications and deepen my understanding, I enrolled in professional development courses and worked on a Diploma in Education Leadership offered to ISB teachers from SUNY Buffalo. Unfortunately, at the time I was unable to complete my master’s degree in education through SUNY Buffalo for a variety of reasons, including that my three-year degree from India did not meet the U.S. program’s prerequisites and my parents were ailing so I had to travel often to Pune at short notice.

As part of my professional development, I began blogging in 2008. This also gave me an outlet for self-reflection, which has helped me in my present-day work as a writer.

Family separation

In early 2007, Bharat was transferred to London for a global role. Our son Kunal was a high school junior, in the first year of the IB Diploma program at ISB. As a family, we weighed the options of moving Kunal to London — a significant disruption to his education — or for Bharat to move without us until Kunal’s graduation. We opted for the latter.

Bharat was able to visit us every month, but this was a difficult time for our family to be separated, with the pressures of college admissions and the stress of aging, ailing parents back home in India. Both my parents passed away over these two years, my father in June 2006 and my mother in March 2007. During this period, I was also remotely supervising the extension and renovation of my ancestral house in Goa. It was very expensive and stressful given how difficult and complicated the paperwork and building processes were. 

Fortunately, our ISB school community was very supportive, making our lives in Bangkok so much easier with plenty of academic and sports challenges, field trips and the IASAS sports and cultural conventions. I can’t say enough positive things about this thriving school community and culture. 

Overall, our time in Bangkok ranked a high 12/15 on the Gupte Scale: 4 points for destination, 4 for resources, and 4 for timing. This was one point higher than our time in Dubai, and four points higher than our next stop: London.

Continue to Part 3 of Michelle’s story.