My full name is Hilda Denize Pinto Samo Gudo Johannsen. Yes, you might want to think twice before asking me to spell it all out! I’m Brazilian, my husband is German, and together we have three kids, aged 21, 19, and 9. We met in Mozambique, where we lived for almost a decade before moving to Moldova in 2010, then Indonesia in 2017, and now India.
Honestly, I never saw myself as a “trailing spouse” until recently. Perhaps it’s because I was already accustomed to moving frequently with my parents (for my father’s job as a civil engineer for Odebrecht) and the idea of settling permanently in one place had never really crossed my mind?
I come from a diverse background: my mother was Brazilian, and my father is Mozambican. Growing up, I was no stranger to different cultures. Even within Brazil, my family moved several times when I was younger, so I didn’t have any specific expectations about what life as a trailing spouse should look like. I’ve always gone with the flow.
After spending my childhood in Brazil, I moved to Johannesburg for one year, where I learned English. (When I got to South Africa, I couldn’t speak a word of it!) I then moved to Mozambique at the age of 16, where I completed my studies as an accountant — though I’ve never practiced. I was 20 years old when I met my husband, and I thought we would move to Germany and that would be it. Luckily an opportunity to move to Moldova came up and off we went to new adventures. My husband was then and still is working for the German company GIZ, currently as a cluster coordinator in the renewable energy project in Delhi.
Today we live in India, thousands of miles from our family in South America and Europe.
Managing the distance
Using the “Gupte Scale,” I’d rank my current move to Delhi as a 9 out of 15 (Resources 3, Location 3, Timing 3). It’s definitely been the most challenging move out of the four countries we’ve lived in. That said, I always enjoy relocating. The unknown can be exciting depending on where you’re headed. I love learning about different cultures, languages, and meeting people from all walks of life. But no matter how much I enjoy it, relocating always comes with challenges — especially the goodbyes.
Leaving family and friends behind is tough. My mother’s family is in Rio, Brazil; my sister works in Geneva, Switzerland. One of the hardest moments for me was saying goodbye to our older boys when they went off to university in the Netherlands. (The lead photo on this post is from one of our family visits to see them in Rotterdam. Adults from left to right: Lucas Daniel Johannsen, Philipp Johannsen, and Lenard Fabian Johannsen.)
I miss them deeply, even now. We talk weekly, and they keep us updated, but it’s not the same as having them around every day. I still can’t say goodbye to them after a holiday without tears.
Raising teenagers isn’t always easy. They often think they know everything and aren’t always willing to listen. Before my first son left for university, there were so many things I wanted to tell him, but I knew he wasn’t ready to hear them. So instead, I put together a little book for him filled with recipes he loved, advice on friendships (you can be the best of friends, but you don’t need to know each other’s PIN codes), guidance about relationships (no means no), thoughts on identity, the story of his birth, how I met his dad, and other lessons I felt were important. I know he read it because he occasionally makes comments about it, and that means the world to me.
It’s fascinating how well these young adults manage the distance. Every now and then, they drop subtle hints that they’d like us to be closer, but I believe the distance is good for them. Knowing myself, I’d rush to help solve whatever issue they were facing in a heartbeat. What’s truly interesting is seeing them return home after six months of living on their own. They come back different — more mature, understanding, approachable, and appreciative of their time at home. But no matter where I am, I know that I am “home” for them.
Connecting and learning
I’m a social person who thrives on building connections. I believe every move brings opportunities to leave a positive impact on others while taking valuable lessons from our experiences. For example, in Mozambique, we helped establish a school that started as a hut in our backyard. Today, it stands on its own grounds, thanks to the combined efforts of our family and many others.
I also manage our home in Inhambane, Mozambique. Building a house in a foreign country can be a character-building experience. In 2004, we embarked on constructing Villa Pinto in Mozambique’s Inhambane Province, approximately 500 km from Maputo, the capital. Today, when we aren’t visiting it ourselves, Villa Pinto is available for short or long stays via Airbnb. You can also follow Inhambane Villa Pinto on Facebook and Instagram @inhambanevilla.
In Chisinau, Moldova, where we lived from 2010 to 2017, and I got involved in the Parent-Teacher Association (PTA) at my kids’ school, Quality School International. It was a small school and parents participation was extremely important to support the school’s community. We had moved there because of my husband’s work. I would rank this experience as a high 13 on the Gupte Scale: Location 4, Resources 4, and Timing 5.
In Jakarta, Indonesia, where we lived from 2017 to 2023, I became the Elementary President of the PTA at Jakarta Intercultural School for almost three years. During the COVID-19 pandemic, I worked alongside other parents to keep the community connected. We organized virtual coffee mornings, interactive readings, Bingo nights, and many other activities that fostered a sense of belonging even during isolation. Once restrictions eased, these efforts paid off as parents and children recognized each other and reconnected in person.
Every time I move to a new country, I also make it a point to learn something new. In Jakarta, I came across a WhatsApp post from a fellow school parent, inviting anyone interested to play Canasta, with no prior knowledge of the card game required. I began hosting sessions, where participants shared food and experiences from their home countries, and organizing dinners at top restaurants, ensuring participants followed safety measures like Covid testing. Throwing myself into something unfamiliar helped me connect with others and embrace the challenges of adapting to a new country, stepping out of my comfort zone, meeting different people, and immersing myself in new experiences.
Overall, I would rank our Jakarta experience as a high 13/15 on the Gupte Scale: Location 4, Resources 4 and Timing 5.
Getting burned
Delhi, however, has taken some time to feel like home. The transition was challenging, and at one point, I was overwhelmed by the difficulties we faced. To turn those experiences into something positive, I started @homing_hub.in, an interactive platform aimed at helping others avoid the “series of unfortunate events” I experienced. By fostering an exchange of information and creating a space where previous posts are accessible, I hope to make settling into Delhi smoother for others.
Since launching this project, I quickly realized that many expats didn’t have an Instagram account and often asked if there was another way to participate. After receiving multiple requests, the homing_hub.in WhatsApp community was born—a space with several groups catering to different needs.
From event information and house help recommendations to second-hand furniture, traveling in India, and local events in Delhi, the community has become a valuable resource for expats looking to navigate life in the city. It also includes a Book Club, Hindi for Beginners, a Group for Companies, and Companies Ads & Promotions, providing even more opportunities for connection and support.
In both the homing_hub.in WhatsApp community and Instagram, I often use my own questions and curiosities as inspiration for topics to share. A few weeks ago, I conducted an interesting little research project on toilet paper. (Even though toilet paper isn’t traditionally part of Indian culture, there is actually a vast selection of locally produced brands.) What amazed me most was how engaged people became — sharing their preferences, debating quality, and eagerly waiting to see which brand I would choose. Since then, I’ve had people tell me that they think of me whenever they buy toilet paper! Not exactly how I imagined being remembered, but it makes me happy to know that the information I share is useful and sparks conversations within the expat community.
I have also started a weekly Canasta group in Delhi. Every Friday, I host a gathering of four to 18 ladies (men are also welcome — we just haven’t had the pleasure of their company yet). The group is mostly made up of expats from different walks of life, coming together to play cards, share food from our countries, and exchange experiences. Every couple of weeks, there is someone new joining the group, bringing something new to the group. Knowledge of the game is not necessary to join the group, it is an easy game to learn — and we are a fun bunch!
These weekly gatherings are about more than just cards; they’re four hours filled with good company, delicious food, lively music, and plenty of laughter. I cherish these moments and the sense of community they bring!
This year, I also took the initiative to manage the Brazilian booth at the American Embassy School’s annual International Food Fair. While there aren’t currently many Brazilians at our school, we had just enough to come together, enjoy ourselves, prepare and serve delicious food, and contribute to the Parent Student Association’s fundraising efforts.
Go out!
As an international trailing spouse, I’ve come to truly appreciate the unique opportunities this lifestyle provides. One of them is being able to open my home to complete strangers without fear — something I couldn’t imagine doing in Rio. I feel blessed to connect with so many lovely people, share my experiences, teach them a card game, and build friendships in such an open, welcoming environment.
Five lessons I’ve learned through all these relocations:
- Do your homework about the country you’re moving to.
- Don’t hesitate to ask questions—there’s always someone who’s been in your shoes or knows the right direction to point you in.
- If you have time, learn the local language. It always makes the experience richer when you can communicate.
- Lower your expectations (depending on the destination). That way, you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the little things.
- Don’t isolate yourself when it gets hard, reach out! There is always someone in the same situation or willing to give you a hand. I like to think that I don’t want to look back and think that I have wasted my time or didn’t make the best of things even when the situation wasn’t ideal.
Relocating isn’t always easy, but it can be incredibly rewarding when you embrace the challenges with an open mind and heart. Mix and mingle, learn something new and make new connections!
